• Can't post after logging to the forum for the first time... Try Again - If you can't post in the forum, sign out of both the membership site and the forum and log in again. Make sure your COG membership is active and your browser allow cookies. If you still can't post, contact the COG IT guy at IT@Concours.org.
  • IF YOU GET 404 ERROR: This may be due to using a link in a post from prior to the web migration. Content was brought over from the old forum as is, but the links may be in error. If the link contains "cog-online.org" it is an old link and will not work.

Butt tattoo

gsun

COG# 9127 CDA# 560
Member
Buttock Tattoo Terror Lands Rotherham Pair In Hospital
A furious row has broken out between a local tattoo artist and his client after what started out as a routine inking session left both of them requiring emergency hospital treatment.
Furious film fan and part-time plus-size XXXL model Tracey Munter (23), had visited the 'Ink It Good' Tattoo Emporium in Wellgate, Yorkshire last week, to have the finishing touches applied to a double buttock representation of the chariot race scene from the iconic 1959 film, Ben Hur.
Tattooist Jason Burns takes up the story.
"It was a big job in more ways than one", he told us "I'd just lit a roll-up and was finishing off a centurions helmet. It's delicate, close up work. Next thing is, I sense a slight ripple in the buttock cleavage area just around Charlton Heston's whip, and a hissing sound – more of a whoosh than a rasp – and before I know what's happening, there's a flame shooting from her arse to my fag and my beards gone up like an Aussie bush fire."
Jason says he rushed to the studio sink to quell the flames, only to turn round and see Tracey frantically fanning her buttock area with a damp towel. The flames had travelled down the gas cloud and set fire to her thong which was smoking like a cheap firework. "To be honest", said Jason, "I didn't even realise she was wearing one. You'd need a sodding mining licence and a torch to find out for sure. She could have had a complete wardrobe in there and I'd have been none the wiser."
Jason and Tracey were taken to Rotherham District Hospital accident and emergency department where they were treated for minor burns and shock. Both are adamant that the other is to blame.
"I'm furious" said Jason, "I've got a face like a mange-ridden dog and my left eyebrow's not there any more. I don't know about Ben Hur – Gone With The Wind would be more appropriate. You don't just let rip in someone's face like that. It's dangerous"
But Tracey remains both angry and unrepentant. "I'm still in agony," she said, "and Charlton Heston looks more like Sidney bloody Poitier now. Jason shouldn't have had a fag on the go when he's doing close up work, there's no way I'd guff on purpose. He'd had me on all fours for nearly an hour. I can only put up with that for so long before nature takes its course. My Kev knows that I give him my five-second warning, and I'd have done the same for Jason, but I didn't get chance – it just quietly crept out."
Ted Walters from the South Yorkshire Fire and Rescue service wasn't surprised when we asked him to comment on what had happened. "People just don't appreciate the dangers," he told us. "We get more call outs to flatulence ignition incidents than kitchen fires these days now that people have moved over to oven chips. We have a slogan 'Flame 'n fart – keep 'em apart' Anyone engaging in an arse-inking scenario would do well to bear that in mind in future. On behalf of the entire Fire and Rescue service, we wish them both a speedy recovery.
 

fartymarty

Member
Member
OK, I think it's funny, even very funny ....(Debbie Downer warning)...but, it isn't true.

about us section of Rotherham Bugle said:
We decided to launch The Rotherham Bugle after identifying a fundamental problem with other news based media covering the South Yorkshire area – they are restricted by a requirement that they stick to reporting on things that actually happened. And here’s the problem with that – what actually happened tends to be boring.
And so from the very start, we made an editorial decision to give facts a back seat. Yes, you may find a grain of truth hidden away somewhere, but it’s more by accident than design. If you do find something that’s true, don’t judge us too harshly. Anyone can make mistakes.
Our primary focus is on stuff that we’d have liked to happen, had a story taken a more interesting turn. They’re the sort of things that might occur to you in the bath, on the bog or while sitting in your car waiting for the sodding lights to change at Whiston Crossroads. Any similarity between the style and content of our stories and those featured in mainstream media, is purely intentional.
We hope you enjoy our alternative take on the news affecting people in Rotherham, and if there are any stories you feel we should be covering, we’d be delighted to hear from you.
 

fartymarty

Member
Member
I never thought it was true. Seemed like a joke to me.
Agreed, but these days who knows what some will believe.
You have to remember back to the early days there were people that wrapped their FOBs in aluminum foil.
I think some are still here. :unsure:
 

ONOBob

Member
Member
I have a friend who used to hold a Bic lighter and pass gas. I've seen him do it.
Creates a very pretty blue fame.

But, he did it once to often, and caught his jogging pants on fire... he quit after that
 
Top